It's December,

and  I am in a Christmas mood..

Wishing you

love,

 peace,

 and great joy!

When I grow up...

{everyone of my close friends knows this answer}...

.... I want to be like Oprah.

I only managed to watch her last show over the weekend. With heavy heart, I have to accept the fact that one of the bullets in my bucket list would not be crossed off, which is; 'To be one of Oprah's studio audience for the Oprah's Favorite Things'..

Oh well...

In my community, there are not many role models that I look up to. {With exception of my Mother & Grandmother}. I only 'got to know' Oprah, as in really watch her show, in the last 10 years. At that point I was drowning and needed a new perspective in life. When I first watched her show, she was the fresh air, the role model, that I needed.

I could not even begin to explain the impact she has in my life. She helped me learn things about myself. I grew up learning the values she shared in her show. I do feel sad that I would not be able to see her again every day, as the show has been my go-to for all things good.

But I do understand that it is time to let it go and move on.

Below are excerpts from the script of her show which struck my inner most chords.

 Fav # 1
“Nobody but you is responsible for your life. You are responsible for your life. What is your life? What is all life? What is every flower, every rock, every tree? Energy. And you’re responsible for the energy you create for yourself, and you’re responsible for the energy that you bring to other.

Oh, I love this one so much. And it came at a right time too. Just when I was feeling a little jaded and cynical lately, I watched this show and 'thump', a bump on my forehead. Now, I find myslef repeating the same quote 'Please take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space.' .. Hmmm.. considering to put this on my FB profile.

Fav #2

"I have felt the presence of God my whole life. Even when I didn't have a name for it, I could feel the voice bigger than myself speaking to me, and all of us have that same voice. Be still and know it. You can acknowledge it or not. You can worship it or not. You can praise it, you can ignore it or you can know it. Know it. It's always there speaking to you and waiting for you to hear it in every move, in every decision. I wait and I listen. I'm still—I wait and listen for the guidance that's greater than my meager mind.

"The only time I've ever made mistakes is when I didn't listen. So what I know is, God is love and God is life, and your life is always speaking to you. First in whispers. ... It's subtle, those whispers. And if you don't pay attention to the whispers, it gets louder and louder. It's like getting thumped upside the head, like my grandmother used to do. ... You don't pay attention to that, it's like getting a brick upside your head. You don't pay attention to that, the whole brick wall falls down. That's the pattern I've seen in my life, and it's played out over and over again on this show.

 This re-affirms the 'Be Still' whispers lately. There were times, when I was not sure which way to go, how to react, but the verse "Be still and know that I am God" have  been a constant whisper this past few months. I get it, the 'Be still' part. Now, once still,  I just need to learn to listen.

The show might have ended but her lessons, I will keep close to my heart.

Thank you, Oprah.

Only You

A person can make you feel high,
A person can make you feel low.
But only you can decide,
Which way you want to go.

A person can hurt you mentally,
A person can hurt you physically.
But only you can place,
A limit on your abilities.

A person can cause drama,
A person can cause a situation.
But only you can create,
Your own reputation.

A person can make you laugh,
A person can make you cry.
But only you can make,
Decisions for your life.

I guess what I'm trying to say,
That when you're living day to day.
Don't live by what people do,
But live by what you know is true

~Author Unknown~

Masks and charades

I have had it up till my eyebrows having to deal with charades.

One of my pet peeves is real life charades.

If it is a game, I would dive into it.

But if anyone plays it in real life, it is not something I would be able to handle delicately.

No, siree.

Change perspective

There seem to be a list of things which could just easily get under my nerves today. Just thinking about them could easily set me off. I was just a few alphabets away from  spiraling into verbal diarrhoea, before I was reminded of what a conversation I had with one of my earthly angels over breakfast last Saturday.

One of the conclusions we both came to at the end of our conversation was;
"Don't like what you see, but have to live with it? Change your perspective."

'Tis true. After all there is no such thing as the truth, is there?  Life is always a matter of perspective.

So with this 'perspective' in mind, I chose to search for visual images that could help to lower my blood pressure today.

In case you be needing some colour therapy, thought I 'd share what calms me down in a matter of seconds.

(Source Mary Gibbs Art)

(Source: bunnygriffeth.blogspot)

Personal collection

(Source: realestate.com.)

(Source: bestemergingartist.com)

(Source: vijaycoolart.com)

I also learnt today that, it is not so much of the paintings or pictures per se that calms me down, but it's the colour within the frame itself.

There... I am in the zen now..

It's the bug, you know..

Yea, I am at it again.. ;D.

Once in a while, I would get bitten by this bug that makes me hanker for delightful visuals. I came across these pictures a  few months back.

Today, 'they' found me instead.

But how could you resist such visual delights and not share?

I know, I could not..

I just love this angle. Don't you?

Now, check out the view.

Must be wonderful to be able to sip your coffee and enjoying this view in the morning (and evening) ..

I can see myself rolling on this immaculate lawn from one end to the other....

At least, the inner 7 year old me, that is.

Now, with my visual craving satiated, I am a happy camper.

{Back to the real world}

Disclaimer clause:

This is not my house.

But I sure dont mind, if it is.. :)

Today, Ms. Tequura says...

(Source: Image Internet)

• Sit demurely on the fence.
• Choose to see the flowers around you.
• Embrace those flowers for they represent the beautiful things in life.
• When the above fails, you can always retreat and crawl back into the safety of your shell.

His promise

Deuteronomy 1:30

The LORD your God who goes before you will himself fight for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes.

Retreat!

Phew! Finally, after the long anticipation, we managed to pull it off. A lot had happened in between the time we first booked our flight to the day we actually arrived.

Lives have changed, and at one point, we did not even think we could make the trip happened. We learnt a lot about ourselves and clung to each other like its our last lifeline to sanity during that period. We are separated geographically to all 3 corners, but always drew strength from one another. Even with the advance of technology, nothing beats the actual moment of being with one another and just 'recuperate'.

God knew this trip was a much needed retreat for all of us. So, for those short precious moments, we chose to focus only on His blessing.

We arrived on the day the city was having their full day rehearsal for the Malaysia Day Celebration. The city was filled with an air of celebration. There were full dress parade rehearsals and air shows. 

The next day we drove to our much anticipated, Tip of Borneo. We went without much expectation, only the desire to be able to see what the Tip of Borneo would look like.

Once there, all of us were agaped to be greeted by this view.

 The view just takes my breath away.

In the picture below is the actual ground mass that makes up the 'Ear of the Tiger'. We had to drive a bit more towards it.

There it is. 

Walking closer towards it.

There.

'You are here'

After that landmark you walk further..

 And that boulder, peeps, is the tip most 'Tip of Borneo'.{Is my sentence making sense?} 

Oh, how happy we were!

With our other halves.

The smiles says it all.

Rejoice!

Oh my! Through God's grace, I achieved the target! It was a near impossible target that requires divine intervention. There was truly no way I could do this on my own. Hah! How wonderful it is to have connection in 'high places'. ;)

The result was as out a couple of days ago. I procrastinated going online to check it out as I was away on a vacation {topic for another blog}. Although I did think about it on the scheduled day of the result being released; at one point my anxiety almost spoiled my holiday. Then I was reminded again of a comforting word shared by a wonderful sister, to always look heavenward in whatever our circumstances we may be in.

I will lift up my eyes to the hills; From whence comes my help?

My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth.

Psalms 121:1-2

Thank you Father God!

Learning to be still

So, I sat for the exam last Saturday. The result is expected to be to out in a couple of weeks. I have done the best I know how.

I learnt over the course of last week, that my anxiety came from fear. Fear of failure to achieve 'The target'.  

Truth be told, I could not afford  to fail in this. Literally.

I was so anxious, that I fell sick. My hubby and a dear friend keep telling me not to stress over it. Intellectually, I understood that. But, I was far from it. In the storm of my anxiety, the verse 'Be still', keep popping up. I am not quite sure how to describe this, but despite the anxiety that goes on in my head, deep within my heart, there is a 'place' that felt very calm and peaceful. It wasn't until I was all spent from anxiety, that I took note of this 'sense'. It has been there all along, except I seem to allow my anxiety took over rather than focusing on what matters.

That was when I told myself to 'follow that peace'. The moment I followed it, *click!*, the anxiety was gone. Once I followed 'that peace', the thought of failing to achieve even became bearable. The thought no longer made me want to gorge my eyes out of its sockets in panic. Huh, wadaya know...

So, 'followed the peace', I did. Last Saturday, as I waited for us to be allowed to enter the exam room, I prayed to the Heavenly Father that I was entering the room because I know He is in there too. The exam went fine. I have no idea if I am able to achieve the target, but at least I managed to finished on time, sans diva drama.

Now we wait, and be still.

'I have to, even if I can't..."

Yesterday, hubby and I were bored and so decided to go for a car ride. Unsure at first where we should head to, we ended up driving to a town I used to lived in when I was 7-9 years old.  It goes to show how bored we were, by the time we reached the town, we looked at each other and asked, 'Ok, so what now?'. There is really nothing to do in that somewhat sleepy town.

It is not known for any great food, and the nearest attraction it has, is a lake. Even by the lake, there is nothing much for you to do, except to sit and stare into up yonder and pretend you enjoy the hot breeze against your sticky face.

Nonetheless, I have wonderful memories of this old town. It was a safe town. When I was only 7 years old, I would actually walk back home from school. By car, it was only  less than 10 minutes drive. But when you are 7 years old, carrying a school bag 6-7 kg worth in weight, your small strides could only bring you home within 45 minutes or so. There are so many good and funny childhood memories. So many adventures (or might I say, misadventures)

Yesterday, I told my husband, I wanted to retrace the path that I used to take while walking home from school when I was a kid. The bored man was more than happy to obliged. So we walked along the rows of shop lots and I shared which shop have changed and which shop still look like it did 30 years ago.

There was one particular shop which always intrigued me. It was a photo studio shop. Although it was a photo studio shop, being in a small town, you could not make a living just by charging a fee for taking passport size photos, developing and printing them. You also need to sell other things, by the sides. And that was what the owner did. In the show cabinet not only did he have all the beautiful frames and photo albums for sale, but on the top most shelf, he also had this gorgeous battery operated dolly that could crawl by a press of a button.

The first time I saw it, I fell in love with it. It was the most beautiful and sophisticated dolly my 7 year old self had ever seen.

I ran as fast as my small stride could carry me, and once I reached home, told my mom I wanted to that dolly. The following weekend while we went for grocery shopping, I dragged her to the shop and pointed to her the beautiful dolly. She went closer to the shelve to have a look at the price. Her eyes widen a wee bit that signaled to me, 'No way, no how, am I going to get that doll that day'.

Then she turned to me and told me that she would buy me that doll, only if I came up first in class. Now, yours truly was not exactly that hardworking. Especially not, in the homework and studying department. But for that dolly, I studied as hard as I could. I managed to jump from number 5 in class to number 3 in one term. I had it all strategised in my 7 year old mind that by year end, I would get that doll. I gave it my all so to speak, but no matter how hard I studied (or so, I thought), I could not get passed number 2 in the class by year end. A whole year of trying seemed like an eternity when you are only 7 years old. So I gave up on it. I resigned to my fate that, the dolly and I were not meant to be.

That memory reminded me to the current 'out of reach' goal that I have right now. Part of the 'Decision' entails, that I have to sit for an exam. I am far from where I should be. I have not studied and took mock exams until it gave me a bad headache and made me vomit before. But a lot is at stake, and since time is not to my advantage, I have really begun to feel the immense pressure of achieving the set target. Geez, and this is just the beginning of the process.

Yesterday, as I stood in front of the shop that used to sell that beautiful dolly, I questioned myself. What if I gave it my all, and still could not reach it? Yes, self doubts at this point. I even thought of postponing it. But, that would feel so wrong.

So, I went home with the resolution that no matter how I feel and where I stand right now, I have to give it a go and give it my all.

I just cannot let it go like I gave up on that dolly.

I just have push at it, even if I can't.

Still

~~~~~

Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are king over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

~~~~~

This song gets to me each and every time. I can be fine and be on top of things (or pretend to be) one minute, and the moment I hear this, I would turn into a bipolar 'waterwork' mess.

Vanity, tear streaked cheeks and bubbly snot mess aside, today I am comforted (yet again) by God's grace. As I type this, I am in the midst of facing one of the unexpected challenges arising from the 'Decision'.  The ocean is really rising for me now.

When faced with challenges, it is natural for us to either want to flee or fight. At this point, I cannot flee. Fleeing would be the total reverse of where I want to be. (Counter-productive to the 'Decision'.)

But to fight; how does one fight (for) this? I do not know how to reverse this, unless I can turn back time. (A time traveller, I am not).

So I am stuck.

I turned heavenwards the other day. I was ready to be all diva'ish and expected Him be quiet. And yet He answered me the next day through a blog I subscribed to, titled the Rare and Beautiful Treasure. The blessedly wonderful writer, Erin, shared a verse from bible; Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still"..

It took a while to register.. He reminded me that I have been on this path before; where He tells me to just 'Be still', amidst chaotic incomprehensible mess.

And then today, as I  read through the emails in my inbox; in one of the emails contained this youtube link to my all time favorite song. The same message teling me to 'Be still'.

Less than half an hour from the time I opened this youtube file, I received a call regarding the "Decision". I was also advised to 'Not do anything yet at this point'..

There you go..

*** 

"Dear Father God, unto Your loving hands, I surrender this . I will be still and know that You are God."

***

Do it, anyway..

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway.

 

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;

Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you've got anyway.

From The Paradoxical Commandments, by Dr. Kent M. Keith.

Faith

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.

- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Wordless Wednesday

By Faith Not By Sight

In waking I give thanks

In what’s not known

I have to trust, My Father

That yesterday’s pain is gone

For you’ve given me this day

For me to rejoice

To faithfully follow

To willingly hear your voice

For trials will come sometimes

And burdens I’ll have to bare

But you promised me father

To always be there

So I’m standing on that promise

No matter what I go through

And just in case I stumble

I’m depending on you

For you hold the master plan

And your path is always right

So today I’m embarking

By faith and not by sight

Author

~ Stephanie Storey Morant -

Hy-candy..

Need a dose of my hy-candy today and came acrose this image from Gala Garden.com

*Hyrandgea rush*

Go thru me, first!

I was channel surfing the other evening and came across the Oprah show midway. From the gist of the conversation, I came to know it was about how this lady survived a murder attempt on her life by her ex-husband. Basically the topic of the day talks about wife abuse.

As much as I detest wife abusers just like the next person, what struck me more was what the detective shared.

He shared that he had interviewed many victims of abusive relationships. He asked them, why they do not leave the relationship. Then he asked them, "If it happens to your daughter, if you know that your daughter in the same situation, what would you tell her, so that she will be safe?" All victims would say the same thing; that they will tell their daughters to leave.

He then said something along this line (Sorry I cannot recall the exact sentence he said). ~The difference between all the victims daughter and the victims is that, their daughters have them (their mothers) to look out for them. While they (the mothers) do not look out for themselves.~

I find that to be so true.

We spend (rightfully so) a lot of energy, love and attention to our loved ones. To keep them safe, to make them happy, etc. While we, suffer in silences, not knowing what to do. When our loved ones are in trouble, we will the the first one to dive into the fire and to keep them safe.

But when the same thing happens to us, we let ourselves drown/ burn.

Why do you reckon we do that?

Is it because, we think we do not deserve the same attention that we give to our loved one FROM OURSELVES?

Is it because we expect others to do the same thing FOR US as we would do to them?

And then get sorely disappointed with our loved ones for not doing/saying the 'very thing I would do/say for/to you if you are in this situation'

Isn't it odd? How we could love others so much that we could 'stand up' for them, but we could not  do that for ourselves. I am beginning to learn the same for myself.

I put my loved ones on the high pedestal akin to the demi-gods, and most times forgot that they could not read my mind. They could not say what I need to hear from them because they have no idea that is the very thing I need from them. And for me to expect that they should be able to, without having me to tell them so, is unreasonable and unfair.

What I have begun to be clear of were these though. We take a load of 'unmentionables' from others, from strangers, aquaintance, colleagues, or even loved ones.

But the worst kind, I believe, are those 'unmentionables' that we throw at ourselves.

So, I am resolved with these in mind:

• When no one says the words that is needed to be heard, say those words to yourself.
• When no one is kind to you, be kind to yourself.
• When no one stands up for you, stand up for yourself.
• When there is no body around to be that person you need, be that person for yourself.

Wordless Monday

I won!

(Happy Feet)

Wow! This hardly ever happens to me, but I won something in a lucky draw today!! Forgive me if I appear overreacting, but hey! I could not contain myself!

It's nothing big; this thing that I won. But the fact that my name was picked out during the lucky draw, makes me go, 'Really? Lil' ol' me got it??'. The feeling is just... surreal!

Yippeee! Thank you, Father God!

Decision

Hubby and I had finally made 'THE' decision that would start quite a journey. I finally had the guts to tell my loved ones over dinner. I had to make sure they almost finished the meal, because I have no idea how they would take it.

Since they had no inkling it was coming their way, they did not know how to react.

She knows I am a dreamer and asked "Is this still at the daydream stage?".

He knows once I have made a decision, it is pretty much set in stone. So, he did asked 'Why?' and ' How sure are you that you are making the right decision?'

I answered her, no this is no longer daydreaming stage but trying to make it come true.

Hubby explained the 'Why'.

I told him, 'Sometimes we make the right decisions, but sometimes, we just have to make the decision right'.

Isn't that how life is? As much as we would like make all the right decisions in life, we are not spared from making wrong ones. But a decision still has to be made.

Once made, we just have to give all that it takes to make it work.

No matter how hard.

Oh, the places you'll go!

(Movie- Up)

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go..."

- Dr. Suess-

Don't Quit

For those out there who needs a little booster, just like I do, today. This one is for 'us'...

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about,

When he might have won had he stuck it out;

Don't give up though the pace seems slow--

You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,

It seems to a faint and faltering man,

Often the struggler has given up,

When he might have captured the victor's cup,

And he learned too late when the night slipped down,

How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out--

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems so far,

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--

It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

- Author unknown

God's angels

I adore the angels that God sent me in the form of my friends.

When you don't feel like it, they can push  or pull you back, depending which way you're going.

When your thoughts are wired and set a certain way, and you're going 170km/hr headed to 'No Good Zone',  blinded by emotions, they have a way to pull you back.

All it takes usually is just a sentence. (Or two)

And that is usually good enough.

With just that sentence, they will pull you back.

Back to them.

Back to what is good.

To my angels, this is for you!