Walk ahead

It feels really weird to be calling candidates to attend an interview for a position which you will let go of soon. To find your replacement. It feels surreal. And if I allow myself to think about it much longer, I would start to feel really sad.

I find myself doubting this decision.

I find myself hoping, that I would not regret it.

For the past weeks since I tendered my resignation, and since the reality of that decision really sunk in, I find myself praying and telling Father God to please know that I am grateful for what I do have now.

I told Him I am thankful for the little house that I have, the old car that I drive, the 'I-have-fallen-out-of-love' job that I have, in general, the life that I lead here. I have gone to the extreme, to even thank Him for the kitchen towels that I have. {Yes, I am weird that way, in case you have not figure it out}.

And if He would just tell me to stay, I would.

I do not know why I had this desperate feeling of telling Him that I do not want Him to think that I am taking everything here for granted.

As if He does not know..

So that has been my prayer lately..

And today, I came across this Bible verse.

(Pinterest)

 

 

And with that, everything falls back into perspective.

 

It was not easy for me to get to where I am at this point. By right, I had everything against me, but by His grace, I am here.

 

Most people are aghast that it appeared to be so easy for me get to this point. When in fact, it has been one of the hardest things I have every done.

 

Letting go of this job, is just part of the process.

 

I have been too preoccupied with the process, that I forgot to look ahead. I have been too focused on looking back, despite the fact that intellectually, I know I should only look ahead..

 

Okay, I admit, I am scared to step out of my comfort zone.

 

How do people do this?...

 

*Breathe*

 

Now, I just have to lift one foot to take the next step forward.. After that, I need to lift the other foot.

 

Hmm. Sound like a good plan. Let's do this!

 

 

 



It is done..

I did it, peeps..

I have thrown in the towel on 5 May 2014. It was on my first day to work after coming back from a long holiday.

I have triggered the chain of reaction and the domino tiles are now falling... It is now the point of no return..

There were 'alleged' episodes of freaking out, because it was a totally unexpected move from me.

Everyone in the office were in a state of shock. My dearest friend went through an episode of depression because like she said, she knew  I was going to leave, but she never thought that I really would. (Despite my numerous hints.)

Some are sad, others are shocked. And another is excited for me..

How do I feel, you ask?

I am sad, of course.

I mean, how does one say goodbye to a place that they have known for so long? Then I find myself asking another question, 'How much longer can you stay? Is there any reason for you to stay?'

I guess the hardest part about letting go of this job is that, I truly cherished it. When I first got it, it was an answered prayer down to the T.

I loved and cherished this opened door as much as Smigel loved his ring..

For that reason, I stayed even when it was easier to resign. I was hungry to learn.

But as much as I cherished it, I have reached a point where I no longer enjoy it.  As much as I was very hungry to learn, it was no longer feeding me right.

Some asked me why would I throw away something I have worked so long for. I am not sure if 'throwing away' is quite how I would describe how I feel about it.

It felt more like, "This has been my baby for 10 years, and  now I am returning it with much love. Thank you for giving me the chance to build it and let it grow to the best I know how. May not be enough to some, but that was all that I have".

So now I am in the process of letting it go.

Not easy. Not easy at all.

Need to keep reminding myself of this :

(Pinterest)