Selamat Ari Gawai

Ah, so the harvest celebration is just around the corner. I just could not wait to be on leave and drive back to our longhouse.

In spirit of Gawai, I dug out this very (very, very, very) old photo of me donning the Iban traditional costume in our very old longhouse.

That was really the last time I wore a complete Iban costume. The process of getting yourself all dolled up is so tedious (especially if you are a quirky nerd and non- beauty- pagent material, like yours truly). You better make sure you have done your last toilet run for the hour before you put this on, because once you have all 6-7kg of silver and copper 'ware' strapped unto you, you will have to jinggle-janggle( is there such word? But you catch my drift, right)  your way to the toilet.

A few years after this picture was taken, my grandmother lost it all in a burglary. It broke her heart, because that corset thingy belonged to her grandmother. And there is no way, you can replace the old silver shillings belts. At least not the real old shillings.

I am glad I had the honour to have my picture taken wearing our family heirloom.(And I am glad that I wore it, while I could fit into it as well.. lol!)

Every Iban girl will feel like a princess the moment they don this traditional costume.

It makes me smile recalling how my grandmother and aunties asked me to hold my head straight and smile. I had problem doing just that because the silver headgear was so heavy and I have never been corseted, nor had silver and copper ware strapped heavily unto my torso before. Hence, the strained smile. :D

Anyway, fast forward to the present, I would like to wish everyone who celebrates this harvest celebration,

 'Selamat Ari Gawai, Gayu Guyu Gerai Nyamai'

Woooohaa!

Sheepish

Hi peeps.

So I was barking mad in my earlier post. Today, less so. Venting was good. Once all the angry steam are vented, I am left grinning sheepishly.

(Illustration only. Not the real me. Source: Google Image)

Ephesians 4:26 

²⁶ “In your anger do not sin”^[a]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.

Ouch...

There would never be an end to how we would react to the 'superior beings' of the world. We might react in anger, retaliation, sadness or run away depending on how we perceive the 'assault'.

But I guess, what is more important, how you allow yourself to react, ya? In the core of it, of course we must, at all times, carve Ephesians 4:26 in our hearts.

The 'In your anger, do not sin', looks easy. To me, at a glance, the word 'sin' represent the 'Big Sins', such as killing, stealing etc. It looks like, if you're angry and do not do anything with your anger, then you are not sinning. You can vent, you can bite the side of your table till your enamel crack, do whatever, for as long as you do not physically retaliate back in anger..

Do-able, right? At a glance, yes..

Then comes the next part. 'Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry'.

I have yet to reach the 'Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry' level. At times, many, many suns have gone down and I am not quite done yet.

It dawned on my today, if many, many, suns have gone down, and I am still not done yet being angry, it seems like I have not forgiven them. (Err.. that would be equal to sin, right?)

And what did He say about forgiveness?

Colossians 3:12-14 
 ¹² Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ¹³ Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴ And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

(Illustration only.Source: Google Image)

I guess, I will be sitting on my corner for a while, ya.. Maybe until sundown... As in today's sundown. Not tommorow's..

Pinky promise...

Barking mad

[Caution : This is a venting post]

When I first decided to have a blog, I was not sure how 'transparent' I should be in my posts. At first I thought of just blogging about trivial matters and write only about 'nice stuffs.'

As time goes by, I find that it is quite therapeutic. Being able to express myself, as freely as I allow myself to be. And maybe this blog is a useful tool for me to vent, ya?

So here is my first barking mad post. Please read the fine prints.

(Be forwarned, this is where I am about to indulge myself by regressing into a petty emo mess)

(Source : Google Image)

Snooty bunch  riles me a lot.

Those who think that they are better than others, just because..(fill in the blank)...

Intellectually I do know, people put others down so that they could feel superior about themselves. It is all about their inferiority complex.

They will make snarky remarks to whatever that appears to threaten their superior ( they think they are, but actually they are not) position.

They will make comments, or formulate their own conclusion and passed it as the ONLY TRUTH.(Because, oh, they are so wise. So much wiser than others.)

*Eyeballs rolling 360 degrees*

It is easy to tell these people off when they are just your acquaintances. But when they are more than your acquaintance, that is where it gets tricky. You will be left with two choices, either to speak your mind or to opt for passive aggresive action. (i.e. remove yourself from further interaction).

You will be left asking yourself, 'Do I tell them off and tell them to zip it?'

(Source : Google Image)



 or,  ' If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing'

(Source : Google Image)

More often than not, I find myself opting for the second choice a lot lately. I do not know. Maybe it is age?

When I was younger it was easier to tell people off. Maybe because you can always hide behind ' Oh, I was young, I didnt know any better."

(Source : Google Image)

Now, it is not so easy. Because you know, sometimes, no good comes out of it. Nonetheless, you are still left with this pent up emotion you just need to vent.

(Source : Google Image)

Grrrrr....

We Need to talk about Kevin

I read this book about 4 years ago. I remember being shaken to the core reading it. It made me cry, too. It was like finally finding a voice and able to articulate what was taboo.

I could just kiss Lionel Shriver's shoes by the time I finished reading this.

Quoted from Saga Magazine review:
"[A] powerful, painful novel... The ending Shriver chooses will shock many readers in this politically correct times that take for granted the innocence of children and the corrupting culpability of adults. There are true and terrible things said here about family life that most of us leave unspoken."

If you're the 'sugar and spice and everything nice' or 'happy ever after' kinda person, or one of those Stefford Wives, you will hate this book. Big time! So be forewarned. Stop reading this post and continue on with your ' Girl meet boy, some drama in between, and happy ever after' oh-so- predictable romance fictions.

Today I found out that they have made a movie out of this book. I hope the movie would do the book justice. Hopefully the movie will not be a 'lesser' version, as they tend to be compared to the book.

The icing on the cake for me is Tilda Swinton will star as Eva. I love her quirkiness since I first saw her in Narnia as the Ice Queen (and in Constantine)

(Photograph: Nicole Rivelli Photography)

Can't wait for the movie to hit our shores!

Learning to forgive and letting go

Boy.. That's a hard one..

We all have gone(/ are going) through chapters in our lives where we vowed never to have anything to do with certain person(s) as soon as they are out of our lives.

Oh, how we hated/despised them when they unfailingly grated on our raw nerves, day after day that stretched into years.

Intellectually, we know it is such a waste of energy to simmer in continual annoyance. I, for one, am not a confrontational person by nature. But pushed far enough, I could be one.

I have been in 'a situation' for almost 7 years. Man, the first 3 years was hell on earth. The best way I knew how to handle was to keep it inside, hoping all the 'positive thinking' in the world can help me through.

I would vent, no doubt to those dear ones, who were angelic enough to lend an ear. But I could not find myself confronting, nor remove myself from the sources of my misery. I felt so helpless, being subjected to daily doses of 'tyranical tantrums' of those who knew better but for unfathomable reasons, chose not to do better.

Oh, how I prayed. How I cried to My Heavenly Father and asked Him how much longer must I endure? I knew He has a plan for all these pain, but as much as I was into the His master plan, (whatever it might be), I questioned it a lot. I have no doubt that it was a path that I need to go through, but I was very vocal about not liking the journey much.

Then a miracle happened. My mountain moved!!!

The following 3 years was recovering from the scar. After 'traumatizing' 3 years, it took a while start breathing normally and regain my self  esteem. It is amazing, to learn that you thought you know a lot, but it turned out that it had only just begun.

And this year is the 7th year, where I have reached a crossroad.

To the left : 'Continue resenting'
To the right : 'Start forgiving'

I can choose to just ignore, but the real issue would not be addressed. It will continue to fester and eat me up.

I shared with a friend about these crossroads. I felt as if there was this GARGANTUAN spoon of forgiveness on my lips, and should I resist with much force, it will be shoved into my mouth with equal force. No way around it, but to decide if ,or should I say, when, I would willingly open my mouth and swallow it.

Where the Father Almighty is involved, best let Him take the lead. After all, there is a reason why He said 'If you love Me, obey My commands'.

And the command was to 'Love your enemy as you love yourself". (Adoi!!!! How??)

Then I felt Him telling me Philipians 4:13.~ ' I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength'

So I turned to the right.

Just before I took my step, I asked Him, will it make me feel all those emotions all over again. I just could not go through those roller coaster anymore. I do not want to go into that battle anymore. I am done fighting and I have never been a good actress anyway. But if that is the path I must go through, then I trust that He will be with me to 'slay the dragon' .

I took my hesistent steps while donning my armour and I expected to come out scarred and charred from the hissing dragon.

Instead, hugs and kisses awaits..

Ok, peeps, please allow my  brain a moment to decode what had happened, because it is still confused.

(The look you see on that sheep, is one I am wearing since last Friday.)

Purple

The colour says it all. 

Somehow I am drawn to this colour, what with the past events that have been happening. I hope to inch into something warmer soon. Might not be quite ready for Red, yet, but I'd take any tinge of orange or peach anytime. Yes, that would be good..

I am being criptic, I know. But just bear with me. I am working hard on getting to orange and peach. Until my next peachy post, toodles!

My beautiful box..

Do you have an old door which you thought you have shut but found out, that you had unconciously (or maybe purposely) left it unlocked?

Behind that door you left a wonderful memory, all tucked into a cute little box tied with a beautiful white ribbon and put way up on the high pedestal.

The box have been kept pretty much behind that door for a very long time. You would re-visit that box whenever life gets a too little crappy and you need a reminder that 'pleasant things' do happen in life. Things that could just make you smile silly the whole day, just thinking about it. The memory in that box just defies age. I think if I am to live up till 80 years old, the box would still make me smile wrinkly silly.

That's how precious it is to me, no matter where life brings me to, and no matter who said what.

The box came knocking unexpectedly against the door  quite a while back. I stood by the door staring at it for a very long time.


Beautifully ribboned boxes are not supposed to come knocking back at you, right? While I was unsure what to do with it, I was utterly happy that box casted another rainbow in my life.

Tis' afterall, my beautiful box.

And just as unexpectedly it knocked, and said 'Hi Beautiful!', it was gone..

Just like that.. As if I had imagined it came knocking in the first place.

If it were other memories, I would have tossed the box into the trash in the jiffy. But there was a reason why I tied a beautiful ribbon around that red box.

It is special and it is precious. I could not toss it. But this I will do.

I will shut the door.

And, lock it up this time.