Go thru me, first!

I was channel surfing the other evening and came across the Oprah show midway. From the gist of the conversation, I came to know it was about how this lady survived a murder attempt on her life by her ex-husband. Basically the topic of the day talks about wife abuse.

As much as I detest wife abusers just like the next person, what struck me more was what the detective shared.

He shared that he had interviewed many victims of abusive relationships. He asked them, why they do not leave the relationship. Then he asked them, "If it happens to your daughter, if you know that your daughter in the same situation, what would you tell her, so that she will be safe?" All victims would say the same thing; that they will tell their daughters to leave.

He then said something along this line (Sorry I cannot recall the exact sentence he said). ~The difference between all the victims daughter and the victims is that, their daughters have them (their mothers) to look out for them. While they (the mothers) do not look out for themselves.~

I find that to be so true.

We spend (rightfully so) a lot of energy, love and attention to our loved ones. To keep them safe, to make them happy, etc. While we, suffer in silences, not knowing what to do. When our loved ones are in trouble, we will the the first one to dive into the fire and to keep them safe.

But when the same thing happens to us, we let ourselves drown/ burn.

Why do you reckon we do that?

Is it because, we think we do not deserve the same attention that we give to our loved one FROM OURSELVES?

Is it because we expect others to do the same thing FOR US as we would do to them?

And then get sorely disappointed with our loved ones for not doing/saying the 'very thing I would do/say for/to you if you are in this situation'

Isn't it odd? How we could love others so much that we could 'stand up' for them, but we could not  do that for ourselves. I am beginning to learn the same for myself.

I put my loved ones on the high pedestal akin to the demi-gods, and most times forgot that they could not read my mind. They could not say what I need to hear from them because they have no idea that is the very thing I need from them. And for me to expect that they should be able to, without having me to tell them so, is unreasonable and unfair.

What I have begun to be clear of were these though. We take a load of 'unmentionables' from others, from strangers, aquaintance, colleagues, or even loved ones.

But the worst kind, I believe, are those 'unmentionables' that we throw at ourselves.

So, I am resolved with these in mind:

• When no one says the words that is needed to be heard, say those words to yourself.
• When no one is kind to you, be kind to yourself.
• When no one stands up for you, stand up for yourself.
• When there is no body around to be that person you need, be that person for yourself.