Learning to forgive and letting go

Boy.. That's a hard one..

We all have gone(/ are going) through chapters in our lives where we vowed never to have anything to do with certain person(s) as soon as they are out of our lives.

Oh, how we hated/despised them when they unfailingly grated on our raw nerves, day after day that stretched into years.

Intellectually, we know it is such a waste of energy to simmer in continual annoyance. I, for one, am not a confrontational person by nature. But pushed far enough, I could be one.

I have been in 'a situation' for almost 7 years. Man, the first 3 years was hell on earth. The best way I knew how to handle was to keep it inside, hoping all the 'positive thinking' in the world can help me through.

I would vent, no doubt to those dear ones, who were angelic enough to lend an ear. But I could not find myself confronting, nor remove myself from the sources of my misery. I felt so helpless, being subjected to daily doses of 'tyranical tantrums' of those who knew better but for unfathomable reasons, chose not to do better.

Oh, how I prayed. How I cried to My Heavenly Father and asked Him how much longer must I endure? I knew He has a plan for all these pain, but as much as I was into the His master plan, (whatever it might be), I questioned it a lot. I have no doubt that it was a path that I need to go through, but I was very vocal about not liking the journey much.

Then a miracle happened. My mountain moved!!!

The following 3 years was recovering from the scar. After 'traumatizing' 3 years, it took a while start breathing normally and regain my self  esteem. It is amazing, to learn that you thought you know a lot, but it turned out that it had only just begun.

And this year is the 7th year, where I have reached a crossroad.

To the left : 'Continue resenting'
To the right : 'Start forgiving'

I can choose to just ignore, but the real issue would not be addressed. It will continue to fester and eat me up.

I shared with a friend about these crossroads. I felt as if there was this GARGANTUAN spoon of forgiveness on my lips, and should I resist with much force, it will be shoved into my mouth with equal force. No way around it, but to decide if ,or should I say, when, I would willingly open my mouth and swallow it.

Where the Father Almighty is involved, best let Him take the lead. After all, there is a reason why He said 'If you love Me, obey My commands'.

And the command was to 'Love your enemy as you love yourself". (Adoi!!!! How??)

Then I felt Him telling me Philipians 4:13.~ ' I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength'

So I turned to the right.

Just before I took my step, I asked Him, will it make me feel all those emotions all over again. I just could not go through those roller coaster anymore. I do not want to go into that battle anymore. I am done fighting and I have never been a good actress anyway. But if that is the path I must go through, then I trust that He will be with me to 'slay the dragon' .

I took my hesistent steps while donning my armour and I expected to come out scarred and charred from the hissing dragon.

Instead, hugs and kisses awaits..

Ok, peeps, please allow my  brain a moment to decode what had happened, because it is still confused.

(The look you see on that sheep, is one I am wearing since last Friday.)