The farewell

He cried..

I never dreamt that he even cared. Much less, cried..

I knew my resignation would be an inconvenient to most of them as I always thought that I am just a headcount to fulfil a quota in order for the business to keep going. But that was it.

For the past 10 years, I have been so scared of him..

I remember when I first joined the company and my senior was away on a long holiday, I did not know that I was supposed to remind him of our MD's birthday. I was new back then, and didn't even know it was the MD's birthday much less, need to remind anyone about it.. Boy! Was he furious.. He even said if ever I head the department, the company would collapse..

I tried to make his favourite Chinese tea one time, and I was scolded for serving him coloured water.

When he found out that I got married without inviting anyone from the office, that was when it got very obvious I was his least favourite employee.

I tried to get out of his way most of the time since then... Wishing I could disappear and blend with the wall and held my breath every single time he walked pass by.

As time passed by, he finally did acknowledge my work, but I remained fearful of him. And yet, he was the one who promoted me; and at even one point over ruled my senior's decision to nominate me for the Best Employee Award. Despite my fear of him, he restored my 'old school' ideals about an Ang Mo Boss. I guess his 'Traditionalist/Baby Boomer' character matches what my 'Gen-X + Capricorn'  character expects from a boss.

And despite my fear of him, I do have to give him credit that he was the one who taught me about not to fear making big decision.

If you read my earlier posts about my struggle with the decision to migrate or not to migrate a couple of years ago, you might wonder what gave me the affirmation to just go for it. One day as we were discussing about work related matter and my senior happen to hesitate to make a decision. That was when he said 'Do not be afraid to make a decision. Sometimes the decision is right, sometimes it will not be right. That is ok. But don't be afraid to decide'..

To a risk-averse person like me, those sentences were life changing.

As much as I fear him, I somehow drew courage to take step to get out of my comfort zone, from his advise.

That was the day I decided to just go for it. In fact, I could still hear his voice saying those word. 'Don't be afraid to make a decision'..

Fast forward to the present, what happened during my farewell dinner shocked me to my core. It shocked everyone who attended as well. We have not seen him cried like that ever before. I have worked for the company for 10 years  and I have never seen him cried. Yes, I have seen him gone ballistics in anger before, but never turned red nosed, cried and hugged anyone.

( Except for one colleague who have been telling me that he gets emotional whenever he asked her why did I choose to resign. She was the only one who told me, 'I told you so!') For the rest who knew him better than I do, they said because he had too much to drink.

Well, whatever the reason was, it shocked me that my leaving effected him at all. What more to say that way. I thought I was nobody to him. For a nobody, who was so used to fearing him, (and wishing that she could disappear and blend with the wall whenever he walked passed by) ;to see that  the Chairman cried during her farewell dinner, it was really something.

Of course, I told him that it was him who gave me the courage to make one of the hardest decision in my life. I told him I drew courage from his word of wisdom and I will carry it with me in my next chapter in life.

The hug erased all the fear I have of him for the last 10 years.

It was a huge affirmation for me.

It will be something I treasure more than the award he gave me.

It also eases the closure of this old chapter with much fondness, as I begin a new one.