Letting go

I am not sure if this is just hormones or what, but I found myself grappling with an issue of letting go.

Intellectually, this brain knows that in order to make room for something new, you have to let go of something old. Like, when you buy a new dress; you are supposed to let go of an old piece. That way, you will always have room in your closet.

Intellectually, you understand this concept. In makes perfect sense. But emotionally, now that is a different story. This post is not about letting go of an old dress, though.

It is about something else.

It is about letting go of something you held on to for more than 8 years. You associate your identity with it. Without which, you have no idea how to define yourself.

So... How do we let go, emotionally?

Found some nice quotes and sayings from (ya, ya.. where else?.. From the land of all things positive and nurturing).. Pinterest!

(Ouch! A big thump on my forehead)

 

(There is a fine line between perseverance and clinging on to something dead)

(This I find, the hardest to accept.. That there are things, that cannot be;  even after  you have spent more than 8 years of your life trying to make it work)

(Yes, the  negative emotions do formed some form of bondage on my spirit)

 

 

 

(Ok, working on this... )

 

 

Today's reminder

(Pinterest)

"Granted!"

I received the long awaited email bearing good news today!

{Pinterest}

Oh my.. Unbelievable.! I am speechless.. It has been quite a journey. The planting of this dream started in October 2010.

We have tried to find ways to reach it. But two doors closed on us.

I had to learn to 'Be still' and let God do His thing.. I was not even sure if He was in on it with me.

It was totally unexpected that we came across the right person who could help us, in April 2011. That was a little opening to get one foot into the doorway. Even then, we had to wait until July 2011 to officially embark on this process.

And today, 12 October 2012; it is granted!

{Thank you, Father God.. }

Today's Favorite

 

Oh, don't you just love Pinterest. I know I do. It has become my go-to happy place. There is nothing you could not find on this wonderful network of visual boards. What drew me so inexplicably to it initially was one of its rules.

 

Basically you must be nice.

 

As I began to explore this wonderful world of visual pinning, I learnt so much from the quotes and nuggets of wisdom from pinners I followed.

 

Today I would like to share the word of reminder from my favorite pin.

 

 

Wordless Thursday

A lot is felt today, but not much can be said about it.  I came across this picture, and it seems to 'convey' what today is all about...

{Pinterest}

The next step.

"Congratulation !!! Your application has a Case Officer located.."

That was the the opening of an email I received while I was away on a short trip with hubby, last week. I stared at my blackberry reading it over and over again. I did not know how to feel.

To be honest I was not having a good day that day, and I was just starting to cool off, when I read it.

I had to make a call to make sure my eyes were not playing tricks on me. Needed to make sure that email was not some cruel spam. The person on the other line, was gushing and happy on my behalf, and somewhat perplexed over my non-excitement.  She further explained what I needed to do. And yes, we have reached the final stage of the 'Decision'.

After I hung up, I just sat there and thought, 'This is it".

I have not told my parents and other family members about it. Whenever I do opened up about it, all I received are blank stares. Stares that held back  myriads of emotions. Disbelief ("How could you do this?, Why are you doing this? "); Rejections ( although I am not rejecting them in any way or form); Fear ("What will happen to you?") and Hope("Please change your mind".)

So, until I received the final answer, I have chosen to just keep this from them.

I do ask myself, why am I doing this? What am I looking for? Hubby asked me about the possibility of opting for this ' Decision' not less than two and a half years ago, I answered him a straight and flat 'No'.

A lot has happened that pushed and opened up my mind to make this decision.  I guess, it is true. You just never know for sure, what you thought you know for sure. ( Does that makes sense?)

A lot of prayer goes into this 'Decision' as well. I told Heavenly Father, there is no way I am stepping unto this path, if He is not there with me in every steps. So, far He has never failed to show that He is.

How do I know?  Well, I have made so many other decisions, and only met with closed doors that I just could not pry open. In fact, even for this 'Decision', when I planted my dream and told Him about it, I did not expect much from it. I just told Him I do not know why I feel the way I did, I just do. I have no idea how to go chase after it. I did try a few doors and they all slammed shut on my face.

It was not until, I surrendered to Him and let it go, that a little window started to open. I peeked through the window and asked Him , 'This way?". I was quite resistant to try that window, because I could not bear to have even that, shut against my already crooked nose. I did not feel like going through that again.

All it takes, is just climb over that window, and doors starts opening. Just when you thought, you are to take Door A, it shut; then Door B opened effortlessly. All I need to do, is take the next step, even if I do not feel like I could do it.

And now we have come to this stage.

I wanted to journal this today, because I need something to remind me about it in future.

"What I feel, may not be the reality. Just because I do not see it yet, it does not mean it is not coming my way"

Know what I did last weekend?

We had planned for the trip for a while and so the long awaited trip finally came. The last time that we went, I promised myself to get unto one of these. The Scuba-doo.

(Picture from my last trip)

I wanted to experience what was portrayed on this board.

(Picture from my last trip)

Cool eh...

This time around, I made sure I would get on one, eventhough I have no inkling how to manouvre a motorbike or a motorboat,  much less 'riding' a mini submarine. (Reads: UNDERWATER)

I would figure it all out once I am there, I thought..

However when we were buying our tickets at the Jessleton Point, we were told that Manukan Island is 'closed'  to give the corals a rest from the tourists. We were offered Sapi Island instead. It is much smaller, but 'good enough' we were told.

Since we were at the jetty already, we thought, why not. After all we have been to Manukan Island a few times. Why not try a new island, yes? So we did.

And this was what we found..

Just look at that crowd

Not too shabby, but rather crowded for me.

You can even find a pen of mean looking monitor lizards..

Do not worry, despite their mean looks, they were not interested to have me for lunch. They were focused on something yummier..

In fact, they were salivating over the smell that came from what was on the BBQ pit, just next to their pen.. Satay!!

After exploring a bit of the small island, I went straight to the fun part..

Parasail!!

And then some...

I went around looking for the Scuba-do,  but was told that they only have it at Manukan Island. So, I tried the next best thing..

Sea-walking..

Oh, how I love this experience. You need to take a boat ride from the island to a boathouse anchored 10 mins away. Then, you will be briefed on what to do. (What sign language will be used underwater, what to do when your ears ache from the change in pressure; that kind of stuff)

For those who went unprepared like me, they even prepare shoes you could use underwater, as you seawalked. (Not the sophisticated kind you see divers used on National Geographic, though. It is the same kind my grandma use to go to her farm. Yes, those rubber kind. But good enough. Better than barefooted, I'd say).  

One by one, the tourists had the helmet put on them by the divers, and climbed down the ladder and disappeared from my sight into the sea. I was the last person to go.

Oh, by the way, none of my friends were game to do this, so I was with a group of strangers. By the time it was my turn to don the helmet and started to climb down the ladder of the boat house into the arms of one of the diver, I was starting to feel a tad worried. A scary thought keeps creeping into the corners of my mind; but I pushed that thought away.

I did not know what to expect, but my curioisty got the better of me, so I just had to give it a go.

So I clung to the diver as we climbed down the ladder unto the sea bed. The diver was excellent, he did not rush and dragged me down to the sea bed. On the boathouse during the briefing, we were told that we can ask the diver who is assigned to lead us, to stop anytime we feel we need to blow our nose to ease the pressure in our ears .

So I did ask him to stop. Almost every few inches downward. Not only to blow my nose, but  to give me time for the much needed self- pep talk, 'You can do this, Yellow Chickadee!'.

It felt like a long way down. For a moment, I felt as if I was in the movie 'The Abyss'.. :)

Once we reached the sea bed, it was amazeeeeeeing....

I found Nemo!

Adorable, right....

The diver captured the whole thing on video too, and we were each given a copy. Oh, and a certificate too! :)

So, that was what I did last weekend.

Oh, by the way.. You know that scary thought, I had?

It was ' But you don't know how to swim!'...