Disoriented

I finally received word on the result of Part 1 of my 'Decision' yesterday evening.

It has been approved.  With that, we can proceed with Part 2 in making the 'Decision', a dream coming true. It should be a happy occasion, right? Hence why the above title, you might ask.

The major reason why I agreed with the 'Decision' was because of the 'pull' of a place. The place where I planted my dream. Now, had I not been to that place, I'd be contend being where I am, till Jesus' second coming.

However, I have been there; and while staring out into the horizon (literally) I asked myself,  "Why not live an adventure? Live on a edge a little, Scaredy Cat."

Hence, the 'Decision', came to be.

Since then, I have been focusing my internal telescope to this place. There were little bumps along the way, but the my internal telescope need not swing more than the length of a grasshopper's ankle to its knees.

However yesterday's news, totally jarred my orientation. While the result have been what hubby and I had hoped for, however the option given was totally unexpected. I asked Him why can't I be there? Guess what I saw on my Pinterest feed?

So here I am, still reeling from disorientation from this 'redirection'. I am not going to pretend that I am not scared.

I am. {Very..} It is not exactly what I wanted, though somewhat close. I am  not mentally prepared for the option I have.

However I am comforted by below;

It sure is easier to trust Him, when things are going our way. But when He redirects us and tell us 'No', I'd be lying to say I am not nervous.

Nervous, because all I ask is string of plastic pearls to play with. I am contend with plastic pearls and mud pies.

While He is telling me to let it go, so that He could put a real mother of pearls in my hands.

I asked for an adventure, didn't I?.. Ready to ride this adventure with me? .. :)

{You have your seat belt on? Wait, first you need to help me let go of my grip on my plastic pearls}..

Do not live a half life

 

 

Do not love half lovers
Do not entertain half friends
Do not indulge in works of the half talented
Do not live half a life and do not die a half death

If you choose silence, then be silent

When you speak, do so until you are finished
Do not silence yourself to say something
And do not speak to be silent

If you accept, then express it bluntly
Do not mask it

If you refuse then be clear about it
for an ambiguous refusal
is but a weak acceptance

Do not accept half a solution

Do not believe half truths

Do not dream half a dream

Do not fantasize about half hopes

Half a drink will not quench your thirst

Half a meal will not satiate your hunger

Half the way will get you no where

Half an idea will bear you no results

Your other half is not the one you love
It is you in another time yet in the same space

It is you when you are not

Half a life is a life you didn't live,
A word you have not said

A smile you postponed
A love you have not had
A friendship you did not know

To reach and not arrive
Work and not work

Attend only to be absent

What makes you a stranger to them closest to you

and they strangers to you

The half is a mere moment of inability

but you are able for you are not half a being

You are a whole that exists
to live a life not half a life

 

-Gibran Khalil Gibran-

Word of the day

I sure do know where it wanders..

Nonetheless..

'nuff said...

January 2012

The last quarter of 2011 was filled with events and drama that just left me speechless. Which was good.

For, should I have found my 'voice' during those time, I would not like how I sounded, anyway. Hence the lack of posts.

It's a new year, with promises of new beginning.

January is my birthday month. My wonderful collegues organised a so-called surprise for my birthday at the office. It was really sweet of them. This is the first year that I was not on leave on my birthday as I was only back to work from a long year- end-clear-all-your-remaining- leave,  a couple of days before the Bday.

There is an advantage when your Bday fall on January. It's still early in the year that you are filled with resolutions and new hopes for the new year, that your wish for the year would also become your resolution.

What I learnt last year that almost made me lose my 'voice' and left me jaded, would become the pillar of my resolutions this year.

My theme this year would be :

Love myself enough...
1. ... to learn new words. Words which will uplift and soothes the soul.
2. ... to recognise that a certain influences are no longer healthy for the soul, and let it go.
3. ... to embrace the peace that comes from knowing I have all that I need, despite the world telling me of the things that I lacked..
4. ... to continue pursuing The Dream
5. ... to let go of the fear of not knowing, and put on the courage to explore..

Does that look like an achieveable list?

Not too ambitious, eh.. :)

It's December,

and  I am in a Christmas mood..

Wishing you

love,

 peace,

 and great joy!

When I grow up...

{everyone of my close friends knows this answer}...

.... I want to be like Oprah.

I only managed to watch her last show over the weekend. With heavy heart, I have to accept the fact that one of the bullets in my bucket list would not be crossed off, which is; 'To be one of Oprah's studio audience for the Oprah's Favorite Things'..

Oh well...

In my community, there are not many role models that I look up to. {With exception of my Mother & Grandmother}. I only 'got to know' Oprah, as in really watch her show, in the last 10 years. At that point I was drowning and needed a new perspective in life. When I first watched her show, she was the fresh air, the role model, that I needed.

I could not even begin to explain the impact she has in my life. She helped me learn things about myself. I grew up learning the values she shared in her show. I do feel sad that I would not be able to see her again every day, as the show has been my go-to for all things good.

But I do understand that it is time to let it go and move on.

Below are excerpts from the script of her show which struck my inner most chords.

 Fav # 1
“Nobody but you is responsible for your life. You are responsible for your life. What is your life? What is all life? What is every flower, every rock, every tree? Energy. And you’re responsible for the energy you create for yourself, and you’re responsible for the energy that you bring to other.

Oh, I love this one so much. And it came at a right time too. Just when I was feeling a little jaded and cynical lately, I watched this show and 'thump', a bump on my forehead. Now, I find myslef repeating the same quote 'Please take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space.' .. Hmmm.. considering to put this on my FB profile.

Fav #2

"I have felt the presence of God my whole life. Even when I didn't have a name for it, I could feel the voice bigger than myself speaking to me, and all of us have that same voice. Be still and know it. You can acknowledge it or not. You can worship it or not. You can praise it, you can ignore it or you can know it. Know it. It's always there speaking to you and waiting for you to hear it in every move, in every decision. I wait and I listen. I'm still—I wait and listen for the guidance that's greater than my meager mind.

"The only time I've ever made mistakes is when I didn't listen. So what I know is, God is love and God is life, and your life is always speaking to you. First in whispers. ... It's subtle, those whispers. And if you don't pay attention to the whispers, it gets louder and louder. It's like getting thumped upside the head, like my grandmother used to do. ... You don't pay attention to that, it's like getting a brick upside your head. You don't pay attention to that, the whole brick wall falls down. That's the pattern I've seen in my life, and it's played out over and over again on this show.

 This re-affirms the 'Be Still' whispers lately. There were times, when I was not sure which way to go, how to react, but the verse "Be still and know that I am God" have  been a constant whisper this past few months. I get it, the 'Be still' part. Now, once still,  I just need to learn to listen.

The show might have ended but her lessons, I will keep close to my heart.

Thank you, Oprah.

Only You

A person can make you feel high,
A person can make you feel low.
But only you can decide,
Which way you want to go.

A person can hurt you mentally,
A person can hurt you physically.
But only you can place,
A limit on your abilities.

A person can cause drama,
A person can cause a situation.
But only you can create,
Your own reputation.

A person can make you laugh,
A person can make you cry.
But only you can make,
Decisions for your life.

I guess what I'm trying to say,
That when you're living day to day.
Don't live by what people do,
But live by what you know is true

~Author Unknown~